down.

things have not been going smooth lately. what i expected and predicted months back, is happening at the moment. probably worse in some ways.



one of the cliches goes; you gain some, you lose some.

don't know how true is that. well, i gained something valuable, and by the looks of it, i may be losing some along the way.

the process isn't the smoothest as well. and this has been feeding myself a lot of hatred and anger unconsciously. somehow, i do not see signs of the beast crawling out of me yet. maybe it died from the last incident.

i might be down, but i've always came back stronger and usually with lot of hatred and anger.

i'll be back,.. once more.

on the tip of a fulcrum.

i've been sitting here by myself, trying to find myself.
past has changed me so much that, as much as i try to get behind myself, sometimes i do not understand myself anymore.



beliefs that i fight for, principles that i stand for,..
people do not know the things that i say and do.
people do not understand things that i've been through.

outcome could only swing either way, in extreme.
i do not wish to engage in such a battle, especially a battle when i have no visibility to it.

So Julie.

So Julie..i saw ur eyes again
did we talk last nite about the little things
so julie does it matter when i call
i think you're awful young to try
and shoot the world on your own

but if we dance awhile and we go cut it loose
we take some time how about a little time
we find our own

now that we were wrong
im sorry that it had to take so long
in the world we live in often
we dont know who we are
so julie gonna head off
cause julie's got her head on

now we go find out that
we've already lost enough
so now we're gonna win it back again
so julie when you think of me
does it come to mind
we're living in the same room
in the same house on the same street
in the same town

everynite i rush to sleep and
every point of you surrounds me
if u see me now..i havent got that far
because i know
what you're like..but i dont know who u are

The House.

The House used to be a warm and comfortable place.



Weather has not been smooth these days. Sun has been too hot and rain has been too unpredictable.

I for one is finding it hard to live under such conditions. It has not been too kind with me. I'm finding it hard, to fight the emotional warfare.

Just when i thought everything's lost, i found The House. and never have i felt so comfortable, for such a long time. The warmth i felt is unreal. The emotional shelter it gave made me feel alive once more.

Past owner has been cruel and ignorant to it, making it hard to accept any more occupant and cold. Making it almost impossible for the house to trust any other occupant.

Just when i'm comfortable and wish to settle down in The House, it turned me down due to reasons which i've been fighting for almost all my life. Well, i do not blame anyone but myself for not able to change its' beliefs. I want to be the one to fix the spoils and flaws in The House.

But, to be told off and brand as one of any other men which can fix it, breaks my heart, deeply.

sunday is a journey.

i opened the door of the wheels, and realized it was the wrong side of it.

the emo drive was always at the back of my mind. it was a timer counting at the back of my mind.

as i hammered the metal to the floor, we started off the journey knowing that it would end some time. just few miles away from origin, i could see a fast flashing light running at my tail.

"here we go again. awesome! this is the last thing i need right now."

e: yes, officer? (always wanted to say that at least once in my life. or "problems, officer?")
o: good morning!
e: morning, sir.
o: driving license please.
o: did you realized you were over 60? i checked you out at 65 at one point and another at 62. speed limit here is 45.
e: oh really? i'm sorry officer. i'm not around here.
o: are you a student here? or..you're here for?
e: business
o: alright. speed limit here is 45, don't you go over that again or you'll be in the justice department. i'm sure you do not want that, do you?
e: no, i don't officer.
o: okay. have a good day.
e: you too. thank you.

v: can i drive?
e: no.
v: why? but i want to drive.
e: no. i feel like driving.
v: don't you think you should start driving abit slower now?
e: do you know what they call me back home?
v: *sighs*

my entire life is about driving.

after all, one of the biggest thing that ever happened in my life was during driving. name every situation in driving and i can assure you i've done it before.

right now,

driving my mind would be my biggest challenge, if i know where that path lies of course.

sanitarium.

the stage is set. the equipments are geared up.

"welcome to where time stands still, no one leaves and no one will~"
"moon is full, never seems to change. dream the same thing every night~"
"that dream is my reality~"

"sanitaaaariummm~"
"just leave me be~"
"sanitaaaariummmm~"
"just leave me alone~"

"for the jews on the floor, get the hell out of here!"
"didn't the goddamn sign says no fucking jews?"

--------------------------------------------------------

venue: the good ol' green field
foyer action: (guitar solo by richie sambora)
side foyer action: (kirk and members)

e: hey, isn't that your solo?
kirk: yea, he fucking copied it.
e: what you gonna do bout it?
kirk: kick this jackass out of his mind after this.

re-ignite the fire.

"we're all professionals!"

"we're the best of the best, aight! if we're the best of the best, aren't we supposed to be kicking the asses out of the enemies!?"

"it's been tough, and i know that, aight. we gotta hang on there, aight. the enemies are rough, but we gotta be rougher, aight! we do what we came here to do, and we do it! anyone needs help, we help. we do not leave a single man behind, aight. one man behind means the whole team is behind, aight!"

"we need you to give all your best! we're a team, we work as a team, we die as a team, and we achieve as a team! aight!"

"now, get your packs out of here and fight. i expect perfect results by the end of the day and we shall do it!"

the war is at its' peak.

fight the emotional warfare. forget about the medals of honor. win the war and come back again as heroes of ourselves.

unleash the fire in me and you'll see a beast crawling out of me!