gamble.

how cliche is "life's a gamble"?

well, no matter how cliche it is, there is some truth in it.

my dear, you can not gamble on something hesitating and being afraid of losing. if situation forces you to make the bet, result solely depending on where the ball would fall on the roulette bowl, then so be it. have the courage to place the ante and hope for the best.



the result is not going to change if you hassle the croupier. the result is not going to change if you hesitate. and the result is not going to change even if you bet slowly.

at the end, you would either win or lose. and if situation forces you to place the bet, what is a better choice than to place it somewhere where the bet history favors you?

my love, do it with no regrets or pull out.

parking.

as i drive along the freeway, pictures months back in another country run through my head.

"ahhh~ i miss it.."

it's ironic. what it did to me and how much i want it right now.



i sit here just like the past few nights. i walk out, rest myself on the pathway and look up. it gives some sort of comfort that things would be fine after all.

after all, moments like this i treasure most.

suddenly,..

"let's go parking"
"parking? what parking?"
"you know,.. parking. let's do it again"
*thinks hard*
"ohhh.."
*accelerate away*

the night, has never fails on me.

down.

things have not been going smooth lately. what i expected and predicted months back, is happening at the moment. probably worse in some ways.



one of the cliches goes; you gain some, you lose some.

don't know how true is that. well, i gained something valuable, and by the looks of it, i may be losing some along the way.

the process isn't the smoothest as well. and this has been feeding myself a lot of hatred and anger unconsciously. somehow, i do not see signs of the beast crawling out of me yet. maybe it died from the last incident.

i might be down, but i've always came back stronger and usually with lot of hatred and anger.

i'll be back,.. once more.

on the tip of a fulcrum.

i've been sitting here by myself, trying to find myself.
past has changed me so much that, as much as i try to get behind myself, sometimes i do not understand myself anymore.



beliefs that i fight for, principles that i stand for,..
people do not know the things that i say and do.
people do not understand things that i've been through.

outcome could only swing either way, in extreme.
i do not wish to engage in such a battle, especially a battle when i have no visibility to it.

So Julie.

So Julie..i saw ur eyes again
did we talk last nite about the little things
so julie does it matter when i call
i think you're awful young to try
and shoot the world on your own

but if we dance awhile and we go cut it loose
we take some time how about a little time
we find our own

now that we were wrong
im sorry that it had to take so long
in the world we live in often
we dont know who we are
so julie gonna head off
cause julie's got her head on

now we go find out that
we've already lost enough
so now we're gonna win it back again
so julie when you think of me
does it come to mind
we're living in the same room
in the same house on the same street
in the same town

everynite i rush to sleep and
every point of you surrounds me
if u see me now..i havent got that far
because i know
what you're like..but i dont know who u are

The House.

The House used to be a warm and comfortable place.



Weather has not been smooth these days. Sun has been too hot and rain has been too unpredictable.

I for one is finding it hard to live under such conditions. It has not been too kind with me. I'm finding it hard, to fight the emotional warfare.

Just when i thought everything's lost, i found The House. and never have i felt so comfortable, for such a long time. The warmth i felt is unreal. The emotional shelter it gave made me feel alive once more.

Past owner has been cruel and ignorant to it, making it hard to accept any more occupant and cold. Making it almost impossible for the house to trust any other occupant.

Just when i'm comfortable and wish to settle down in The House, it turned me down due to reasons which i've been fighting for almost all my life. Well, i do not blame anyone but myself for not able to change its' beliefs. I want to be the one to fix the spoils and flaws in The House.

But, to be told off and brand as one of any other men which can fix it, breaks my heart, deeply.

sunday is a journey.

i opened the door of the wheels, and realized it was the wrong side of it.

the emo drive was always at the back of my mind. it was a timer counting at the back of my mind.

as i hammered the metal to the floor, we started off the journey knowing that it would end some time. just few miles away from origin, i could see a fast flashing light running at my tail.

"here we go again. awesome! this is the last thing i need right now."

e: yes, officer? (always wanted to say that at least once in my life. or "problems, officer?")
o: good morning!
e: morning, sir.
o: driving license please.
o: did you realized you were over 60? i checked you out at 65 at one point and another at 62. speed limit here is 45.
e: oh really? i'm sorry officer. i'm not around here.
o: are you a student here? or..you're here for?
e: business
o: alright. speed limit here is 45, don't you go over that again or you'll be in the justice department. i'm sure you do not want that, do you?
e: no, i don't officer.
o: okay. have a good day.
e: you too. thank you.

v: can i drive?
e: no.
v: why? but i want to drive.
e: no. i feel like driving.
v: don't you think you should start driving abit slower now?
e: do you know what they call me back home?
v: *sighs*

my entire life is about driving.

after all, one of the biggest thing that ever happened in my life was during driving. name every situation in driving and i can assure you i've done it before.

right now,

driving my mind would be my biggest challenge, if i know where that path lies of course.