missing moon.

it ended late.

partners gathered pace on themselves. i strolled. i did not understand.

"am i intoxicating myself tonight? definitely."

no more asking, no more begging.

as i walk the 20, i strolled. it was dark. it was quiet. i found a glimpse of happiness in the thick-dark-loneliness.

i looked at the shelves with lots of local choices. i've never seen such before.

i hate decision making. especially with the one filled with choices. it tortures my smoked brain cells.

i grabbed the proven taste and moved on to the frozen. chose, paid and left.

on the way back, opened up and lit up each.

"aaaahhhh~" i took a deep of each.

i looked up.

"man, where's the moon?" sighed me.

down to earth

as i walk out, i could feel the early breeze.

i see people walking their huskies, jogging, cabs parking at the sidewalks, people enjoying a good morning.

life's good.


i take out a stick out of the box, scratch it on the box and light up a deathstick.

inhaling it deep into my alveolies and exhaling it out never felt better.

i relived. ahhh~ best moment of this period of life.

----------------------------------------------------------

i walk out. i see my driver in my bentley waiting.

as i walk out, he comes out of the bentley and greeted me with a smile. i take out my box and light it up and pass it over to him.

we smoke, chat and joke for a moment. he's my dude. we joke, we talk and we do shits.

i proceed to my bentley. chuck my briefcase to the backseat, and sit at the front.

he drives off.

it's gonna be a carefree good shivers-under-the-sun day.

leaving on a jet plane.

i emo when people treat me bad.
i emo when people treat me too good.
i probably don't when people treat me moderate.
i do not understand myself anymore.
maybe i should desert myself from everyone.



i'm leaving, on a jet plane.
don't know when i'll be back again..

my bed is evil.

"eric! come over and check this shower hose out! it's grown shorter and weird-ly-crooked." (cantonese)

"meh si oh" (mind)

i looked at the corridor between my room and parents'. it looked endlessly long.

2 seconds passed.

i'm in the bathroom, naked. water pouring out of the shower hose. water droplets hit my body vigorously.

i looked up. and i freaked out.

"what the fuck is this shit!?" (mind)
"this hose is mutating! it's growing shorter and it's weird-ly crooked! it's alive!" (mind)

i regained realism. terrified. even more shocked by the fact of bolster floored and was replaced by pillow.

i sighed.

i've always freaked out on small weird matters. but somehow, i tend to be amazed or thrilled by it.

lost in the transition.

future.

it's a big word. at least for me.

at the current state of mind, i'm terrified. i've never been so terrified before.

i've been in so many fucked up situations that no one has ever been. not my usual circle of friends at least. name it, and i've been it.

things have been getting from uncertain to very uncertain for me. i'm finding difficulties in handling people around me. fuck, i'm even finding difficulty in handling myself.

some random witch recently told my mum that a person will envy me this year. but honestly, i envy people around me. i envy people like mic who can go home, read a book, play console and sleep at 10+pm everyday.

months back, my greatest enemy was my heart. now, my greatest enemy is my neurons. both equally bad. maybe thinking too much isn't a good thing after all.

cliche.

i hate cliche.

no matter how life surrounds us with the usual cliche's, i still hate it.

cliche's come in words, phrases, and even actions. i hate all forms. i've always believed that life should be as unique as it could be. i mean, we are all unique individuals. how can the addition/interaction of 2 unique individuals be the same with the others? how can the words/phrases that we say be the same with others?

been with various people lately, meeting new individuals, unique individuals. from a dude that used to scam aunties infront of giant to dude who used to sell mandarin oranges next to highways.

i've always loved meeting new people. no matter how anti social i was, i never hated meeting new people. i just lacked the effort to initiate the whole introduction process. i love talking to strangers, i love talking to people on the roads, i love having contacts with unique people.

i remember the days when i was out of the country few times, i talked to random strangers. i hugged a random fat dude. learnt their lifestyles. learnt the way they speak. tried understanding how they think or act. i just love the experience of having contact with total random strangers on the roads.

many have different opinions and views on life experiences. for me, i've always view greatest for the unique-ness and quality of life experiences. not wealthy, colourful or rich lifestyles. but, just plain ordinary life experiences. it could be meeting a random unique dude on the streets or it could be having a beer with my drinking buddy infront of the famous 7 at 6am in the morning.

i tend to write whenever emo sets in. i guess the reason for this random late post would be greatly inspired by the deep emo i am right now.

i miss the old times, all the time.

i miss the 12pm football, i miss the mid-night treasure hunts, i miss the piss-soaked football times, i miss the activities-motivated schooling moments, i miss the 6am morning-call times, i miss the dejavu times, i miss balcony times, i miss the activity-driven-street-drinking times, i miss the adrenaline-driven times, i miss the bed moments, i miss the indescribable colourful moments, i miss the ep-7e drink till the dawn breaks moments, i miss the kite moments, i miss the ups&lows moments,.. i miss my past so much.

for me, this is what i mean by quality life. not the usual competitive aggro wealth seeking one. if i could turn back time just to live this period once more, i would exchange my life for it.

soon, i'll be leaving on a jetplane.

i do not know what future brings. i do not know what may happen. if i was given a choice, i would never wanna know what future brings. but instead, i would wanna taste history, just maybe, for a moment.

the fire.

throughout these months, i've learnt quite a number of things.

fire,..

will always die no matter how wonderful, strong and bright it is.

fire will always need a disposable to compliment with it. it can never be a 'standalone'. and like all disposables, it ain't infinite. it will,.. eventually finish.

weeks back, i wish to leave peter once for all. but i realized, it ain't so easy after all.

for months, i've been feeding peter with cricket. i realized cricket's fire is strong, but only at the beginning. it will run out of gas eventually.

being me, the inner me always wanting for eternal love, i crave for loyalty too much. i do not want the gas to run out. i do not want the fire to die off.

should i get a refillable? zippo maybe?